You’ve heard the term before. Maybe you’ve even used it. Booty call sounds playful, even harmless-like a late-night text that leads to something physical, with no expectations the next morning. But beneath the slang and the laughter, there’s a whole world of unspoken rules, emotional risks, and modern dating dynamics that most people never talk about.
What Exactly Is a Booty Call?
A booty call isn’t dating. It’s not a relationship. It’s not even really a hookup in the traditional sense. A booty call is when someone reaches out-usually late at night, sometimes after a few drinks-with one clear goal: sex, with zero commitment. No plans for the next day. No ‘how was your week?’ texts. Just a quick meet-up, usually at one person’s place, and then it’s over.
It’s not new. The term popped up in the 90s, but today’s version is shaped by dating apps, blurred boundaries, and the pressure to be ‘always available.’ People use it to avoid awkward conversations, to fill a physical need without emotional labor, or just because they’re bored. But here’s the thing: even when it starts as ‘just sex,’ feelings don’t always follow the script.
Why Do People Use Booty Calls?
Let’s be honest-most people who engage in booty calls aren’t looking for love. They’re looking for convenience. For some, it’s about avoiding the time and energy of dating. For others, it’s about physical release without the drama of a relationship. And let’s not pretend it’s always one-sided. Women make booty calls too. Men aren’t the only ones chasing quick gratification.
One 28-year-old nurse from Manchester told me: ‘I don’t want to explain why I’m tired. I don’t want to plan a date. I just want to be touched. A booty call lets me do that without pretending I’m into them.’
That’s the real draw: control. You pick the time, the place, the level of contact. No ‘where is this going?’ questions. No future expectations. Just now.
What Happens When Things Get Complicated?
Here’s where most people get tripped up. The moment one person starts wanting more, the whole thing collapses. That’s the unspoken rule: if you start texting during the day, asking about their weekend, or showing up with coffee-it’s no longer a booty call. It’s something else. And that ‘something else’ often leads to hurt feelings, awkward silences, or ghosting.
Studies show that over 60% of people who engage in casual sex with the same partner more than three times end up developing emotional attachment, whether they planned to or not. The brain doesn’t care about your ‘no strings’ agreement. It releases oxytocin during sex. That’s the bonding hormone. You can’t just turn it off.
So when someone says, ‘It’s just a booty call,’ they’re not just talking to you. They’re talking to themselves. Hoping it’s true. Praying they won’t get attached.
How Booty Calls Are Different From Hookups
People mix up booty calls and hookups all the time. But there’s a key difference.
A hookup is usually spontaneous. You meet someone at a bar, flirt, go back to their place. It’s unplanned. A booty call is scheduled. It’s a text. A DM. A voice note. ‘You free tonight?’
Hookups can be one-time. Booty calls imply repetition. You’ve done this before. You’ll probably do it again. That’s what makes it dangerous. It’s not just sex. It’s a pattern. And patterns become habits. Habits become expectations.
What to Expect If You’re on the Receiving End
If you’re the one getting the call, here’s what you’re signing up for:
- You’ll be contacted late-at night, usually after 10 PM
- The conversation will be short. No small talk. No ‘how’s your job?’
- You’ll meet at their place, or yours. Rarely a public spot
- There’s no plan for the next day. Ever
- You might get a ‘thanks’ text. Or nothing at all
- If you start wanting more, you’re breaking the rules
It sounds cold. And it is. But it’s not always malicious. Sometimes, it’s just two people who don’t want the same things. And that’s okay-if both sides know it.
Is It Safe? The Hidden Risks
Safety isn’t just about condoms and STI tests (though those matter). It’s about emotional safety too.
People who regularly use booty calls are more likely to:
- Feel lonely after the encounter
- Compare their real relationships to the simplicity of casual sex
- Struggle to form deeper connections later
- Develop anxiety around being ‘wanted’ only for sex
And let’s not ignore the digital trail. Texts, photos, voice notes-they can be saved. Shared. Used. Even if you trust the person now, you can’t control what happens to that data later.
If you’re doing this, ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want to, or because I’m afraid of being alone?
Booty Call vs. Friends With Benefits
It’s easy to confuse the two. But here’s the real difference:
| Aspect | Booty Call | Friends With Benefits |
|---|---|---|
| Communication | Only when sex is planned | Regular texting, hangouts, shared activities |
| Frequency | Irregular, often spontaneous | Regular, sometimes weekly |
| Emotional Involvement | Minimal to none | Some friendship, occasional emotional support |
| Future Potential | Never intended to become a relationship | Often leads to dating, or ends because one person wants more |
| Aftermath | Usually silent, no contact | Can remain friends-or become awkward |
Booty calls are transactional. Friends with benefits are relational-even if the relationship is limited to sex and casual chats.
What Does Modern Dating Say About This?
Young adults today are more sexually liberated than ever. But they’re also more isolated. Apps like Tinder and Bumble made it easier to meet people-but harder to build trust. Booty calls fill a gap: physical intimacy without vulnerability.
But here’s the irony: the more people rely on booty calls, the less they practice real connection. They learn how to avoid emotional risk, not how to handle it.
One 25-year-old student from Manchester said: ‘I’ve had five booty calls this year. I’ve had zero real dates. I don’t know how to talk to someone without planning a hookup.’
That’s not freedom. That’s avoidance.
When It’s Healthy-And When It’s Not
Not all casual sex is bad. Not all booty calls are toxic. Sometimes, two people agree on the rules, stick to them, and walk away without drama. That’s possible.
But healthy casual sex requires:
- Clear, honest communication before anything happens
- Consent that’s ongoing, not just one-time
- Respect for boundaries-even if they change
- No pressure, no guilt, no manipulation
- Willingness to stop if one person starts feeling differently
If any of those are missing? It’s not healthy. It’s just sex with a side of emotional risk.
Final Thoughts: Is It Worth It?
There’s no right or wrong answer. Some people thrive in casual arrangements. Others crash into them and wonder why they feel emptier than before.
But here’s what no one tells you: the people who walk away from booty calls without regret are the ones who never confused physical closeness with emotional connection. They knew the difference. And they respected it.
If you’re thinking about making a booty call-or receiving one-ask yourself this: Are you looking for sex… or are you looking to avoid feeling alone?
There’s nothing wrong with wanting sex. But don’t let convenience become your only way of being close to someone.
Are booty calls illegal?
No, booty calls are not illegal. As long as both parties are consenting adults, casual sexual encounters are legal in the UK. However, if money is exchanged for sex, it becomes prostitution-which is illegal in most forms in the UK. Booty calls are purely personal arrangements with no financial exchange.
Can a booty call turn into a relationship?
Yes, but it’s rare-and usually messy. Most people who enter a booty call arrangement do so to avoid commitment. If one person starts wanting more, it often leads to discomfort, awkwardness, or the end of the arrangement. Some couples do transition from casual to committed, but it usually means redefining the relationship from scratch, which can be emotionally challenging.
Do women make booty calls too?
Absolutely. While media often portrays men as the ones making booty calls, studies show women initiate them just as often. Women are just as likely to seek casual sex for physical release, stress relief, or boredom. The difference? Women are often judged more harshly for it, which makes them less likely to talk about it openly.
How do I end a booty call without drama?
Be honest, but kind. Say something like, ‘I’ve really enjoyed our time together, but I’m not looking to keep this going.’ Don’t ghost. Don’t make excuses. Just be clear. Most people appreciate honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable. The goal isn’t to be cruel-it’s to protect both of your emotional space.
Is it okay to have a booty call with a friend?
It’s possible, but risky. Mixing sex with friendship often changes the dynamic. One person might start wanting more, or feel hurt if the other pulls away. Many friendships don’t survive this experiment. If you do it, set clear boundaries upfront and be ready to accept that things might never go back to how they were.
What are the signs a booty call is becoming emotional?
You start texting during the day. You care about their day. You feel jealous if they don’t reply. You get upset when they don’t call. You look forward to their texts more than the sex. You feel empty after. These are signs your brain is bonding-even if your mind says it’s just casual.
If you’re reading this and thinking, ‘I’ve been there,’ you’re not alone. The world of booty calls isn’t glamorous. It’s messy, human, and full of contradictions. But it’s real. And understanding it-not judging it-is the first step to making choices that actually serve you.
